Can I Start Over? The Commitment Bias

Can I Start Over? The Commitment Bias

Have you ever wondered if you could start over and do things differently this time? Many of my clients find themselves stuck when they realize that the choices they made in the past no longer fit their current needs. For some clients this means regret over the way they behaved in the recent past and for others they are frustrated by a lifetime of choices. In either case, the person may feel that they cannot change course because of the time and energy they have invested to get to their current state.

For example, one of my clients was struggling to get beyond an awkward social interaction. She felt she needed to keep explaining herself to the people who were involved. But why? Wouldn’t it be easier to just drop that baggage and start the next day in the place you want to be? If the experience really was awkward, there is a good chance the other people don’t want to rehash the events either. And if someone wants further explanation, they will ask. If no one asks, you need to stop wasting your time and energy looking back. Think about how you would handle the situation differently going forward.

Many of my clients come to me because they want a bigger reset. They have invested a lifetime forming their identity. But now they find they would like a clean start. For example, I had a client who had spent 10 years researching and publishing a book. She loved the journey and was still excited about the topic of the book, but she had no interest in promoting it. It can be very hard to walk away from something we have been so invested in. For this client, we identified the other things she does want to be doing with her life going forward and ways she could allow other people to continue the work described in her book.

For you, the reset you want may be a change in your career or a change in your relationship. It is never too late to make that change. I can help you start today. Consider the 8-Week Reset Program at best-possible-outcome.com.

Some things that can help you overcome the commitment bias include:

1. KNOWING WHAT YOU WANT TO CHANGE

If you feel like something in your life needs to change, you can usually identify what you want to leave behind, but you may have a hard time imagining what comes next. There are some exercises that can help you figure out what you really want to be doing with your life. One of my favorite is Imagine You Have 30 Days Left. To complete this exercise, imagine you have 30 days left on this planet and create a list of all the things you would STOP doing. What is not worth your time? Is there a way you could stop doing some of those things today? Next make a list of the things that you MUST DO before the 30 days are up. This will help you identify what is important to you and what is worth your time.

For additional exercises and help identifying what you want to change in your life, schedule a session with me.

2. EMBRACING THE PAST: FORGIVENESS

You have spent a lifetime developing your identity. Even the negative aspects have become familiar and may be hard to part with. For example, one client told me her anxiety serves her well because it keeps her from taking unhealthy risks or saying stupid things. The trouble is that her anxiety also keeps her paralyzed so she doesn’t take advantage of opportunities or speak up when she should. You need to find a way to make peace with the parts of your personality or personal history that you would like to move away from. If you have experienced trauma, for example, you can hold onto that story, but retell it as the hero instead of the victim. The Total Truth Forgiveness exercise is one of my favorite for working through things that keep you locked in the past.

For additional help with empowerment and forgiveness, schedule a session with me.

3. SHIFTING YOUR PERSPECTIVE

Every day when you wake up, you tell yourself a story about who you are. Practice telling a new story. You do not have to bring the person you were yesterday into your life today. If you were a bitter and angry person yesterday, you can start being joyful today. People may be surprised to meet the new you at first, but they will get on board. It takes time, but you can establish your new identity by moving forward in the direction you want to go. Your beliefs about yourself shape the actions you take. If you believe that you can start a new career, you will start preparing yourself for that career today! If you believe you deserve a healthy romantic relationship, you will leave the unhealthy relationship and notice when the right person comes into your life. An exercise I like a lot is the ABCs of resilience. Although you cannot control the adversities in your life (A), you do have control over your beliefs about those adversities (B). And your beliefs are what determine the consequences (C). My program is called Best Possible Outcome because I encourage people to explore every possible outcome and choose the one that gets them where they want to be. I will help you explore all the beliefs you could have about a situation until we get to the best consequences for you.

For other exercises to shift your perspective and get you on track for the life you want to live, schedule a session with me.